Taking a break from blogging

It’s been getting harder and harder to write a full post, and I don’t like just whining on and on about my problems.
Add to that the fact that the “new posting experience” from WordPress has made it impossible to actually write travel posts because it’s STILL lacking an “add media” button, and so while I know the code to embed it, I can’t upload the pictures onto WP to then embed them, if you see what I mean.
Aside from that, I’m starting to feel a bit stressed trying to keep up with other people’s blogs. I just don’t have the energy.
Apparently Nausea and Vomiting in Pregnancy (NVP) is made worse by over-activity.
I’m going to have to take some time away from Invoke Delight and away from all your blogs until I’m in such a state where I can actually get out of bed in less than 6 hours.
My counsellor told me to go to A+E and see the duty psychiatrist today. That was probably the day’s low point. I guess I shouldn’t have shared my desires to cut the foetus out of me with a knife, but I’m kinda glad it’s out there. That, and I did vomit in his bin. I don’t do it on purpose.

Basically, though, I’m in a serious bind and I don’t want to talk to anyone about it any more because I’ve talked to plenty of people (irl) and I’m not getting helpful answers. I think it’s because at the end of the day I don’t know anyone who’s similar enough to me to think like me to be able to talk me through it any more. There used to be a time when all my friends and I shared pretty much the same opinion on EVERYTHING. Then we all dwindled and now they’re all very far away. When all is said and done, and all I’m getting is static over the airwaves, I just need to do some serious thinking without other people’s input (except possibly the doctor) and come to my own decision. I don’t have parents I can ring, I don’t have brothers or sisters who I could talk to about this (my half sister has, aside from her LD’s, severe antisocial difficulties; it’s difficult to hold a conversation with her because she’s very confrontational and purposely twists what you’ve said to the extreme and then purposely takes it the wrong way and gets offended about something you never said or thought). It’s not making this pregnancy depression any easier to live with though, having this extra thing hanging over my head all the time, and I need time to think it through.

I had a dream last night that I was boarding a plane to New Zealand, ready to spend a year or so bumming around. I had been on the plane for several hours when I realized I’d forgotten my visa. Then reality crashed through and I realized I was also a) pregnant (violating the terms of the visa) and b) married (and leaving my husband in the UK). I ended up opening the emergency door and jumping off, just tumbling through the clouds into infinity.

On top of that, someone asked today if I was going somewhere on Thursday. I said not, then apologized profusely for letting them down.

Something that really sticks in my craw today is something Dr House said once on the TV, about how people who apologize when they can’t do something apparently are lying. I think it’s an unfair interpretation because I always apologize when I feel like I’m letting people down, and I’m not narcissistic enough to believe that being ill or injured or otherwise indisposed is important enough to other people for them to not be pissed that I can’t do a thing. I think it’s also a submissive thing of feeling like other people’s shit is more important than my own, regardless of how severe mine is. As far as I’m concerned (and in my experience of people) they don’t care about my issues, they care that I’m letting them down. I agree that I am, in fact, letting them down. So I apologize. Then I get neurotic about it and worry that they think I’m not genuinely ill/injured/indisposed because I apologized. Because of some shit that an actor said on TV. How silly is that??? Doesn’t stop me doing it. I hate getting tangled in knots over stuff like this.

Anyway, the Benadryl is no longer having the desired effect today it’s not worked at all so dairy free nutella and rice crackers have been the meal du jour … along with a lemon ice pop. I’ll see you all on the other side of this sickness, it might be in a few days, weeks or months. I just don’t know right now.

So ill

Ugh I feel so ill.  Gross warning: It ain’t pretty.  I thought the first three months you were supposed to either be all glowy and glowing and shitting glitter and walking on air, or you were unaware that you were pregnant???

There is no possible way I could not know I was pregnant, unless I was undergoing chemotherapy (causing me to vomit slightly more) or brain surgery and didn’t make the connections.  Nobody told me pre-natal depression existed either and I wish I was dead with every new “feature” of pregnancy.

I found out Benadryl (diphenhydramine) stops the nausea and persistent projectile vomiting VERY effectively, but on the comedown it gives me a migraine most horrible and a malaise that could rival Carmilla.  On top of  that it makes me very sleepy and I’m already exhausted.

The moodswings?  Hahaha.  Today I threw a whiteboard (yep, just like the ones they have in schools) at the bathroom.  It was in my way.  This was after trying to yank my computer’s charger out of the wall with its wire because Windows Movie Maker crashed again.  It’s like a mixed state with even less self control which I didn’t know was possible.  Yesterday I was crying for hours about how I never wanted children and considered driving to Dover and off a cliff.  I got as far as picking up my car keys then realized I didn’t have enough petrol or petrol money.  This afternoon I’m back to looking at budget prams and nursery furniture in the Argos catalogue, and watching Himself play video games.  We even snuggled up and watched a wildlife documentary, it was all very cutesy.  Now, I kinda skipped puberty due to having PTSD and I never got a period until I was nearly 16 (the second one was a year later), so I didn’t have all this antisocial hormonal stuff as a teenager and this is new ground for me, I never even looked at anyone romantically until I was 20, but I felt a bit like this on the combined pill last year and ended up being in a state where I was unable to work.  I was rather hoping it was just an ARTIFICIAL hormone intolerance, but apparently I don’t tolerate my own stuff very well either.

How can people be unaware of this state???

I have a vomit rash all over my face and down my neck, and my oesophagus has torn from it, making me shit black and vomit blood, and people are suggesting ginger fucking biscuits.  I think we’re a bit past that.  That’s on top of the hormonal acne breakouts that are also adorning my forehead, chin and left cheek.  Something else I skipped as a teenager.

And I’m painfully aware that I’m a) still not going to be in a fit state to work tomorrow and b) haven’t uploaded a Youtube vid for weeks again, so I uploaded one from clips I recorded in May, I added a bit of voiceover (I sound like death, but sadly not like Death, although my hair could probably pass as Susan Sto Helit with a bit of spray and a black streak) the video has MANY faults as it’s 6 months old and I’ve eaten since then, but chiefly I pre-empt people on Youtube who didn’t know me back then asking if I’m wearing a wig.  No, bitches, it’s my actual hair.  People cut their hair with scissors sometimes and dye it with dye sometimes and then it looks different.

Here’s the vid:

I’m going to go back to wishing I was dead now.

Why do people stop their meds and kill babies?

I am getting fed up of seeing on the internet things like this:

“Sometimes people who have a mental health problem stop taking their medication. If you do this without talking to your doctor or midwife when you become pregnant, this can make your illness return or get worse, so it’s important to talk to them before making any changes.”

Or this:

“Many studies have been done to identify the reasons why some individuals with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder refuse to take medication. The following four reasons appear to be the most important.”

It goes on to list 1. lack of awareness of being mentally ill 2. Drug/alcohol abuse 3. “Poor relationships with mental health provider” and 4. “Medication side effects.”

Everyone EVERYWHERE misses the reasons that I think are the MOST important for healthcare providers to understand:

  1. The cost of a prescription.
  2. Being in a fit state to leave the house and go to the doctors, get the prescription, then go to the pharmacy and cash it in.
  3. Some antipsychotics/antidepressants make you sleepy.  I can see people sleeping through their doses quite easily as you lose touch with time/reality a bit when you’re on some of them (I’m looking at YOU amitryptylene and quetiapine).

How is this so difficult for healthcare providers to fathom?  Oh, I get it, if you make out we’re “refusing” to take them or that we have a “poor relationship with our mental health provider” then we can be labeled as “noncompliant” and then you can maintain the control.

It seems to me that these studies and websites are always written by people who have an underlying need to control other people’s behaviour.  Is it really so hard to understand that meds which make you sleepy, make you miss a dose of them??  Is it so hard to understand that people won’t take things that make them feel worse than they did before, and before was pretty shit?  Do we have to keep being treated like we’re stupid, like we’re all alcoholics on heroin, who start fights with psychiatrists and vomit on their shoes whilst being blissfully unaware that we’re not actually hunting whales with David Copperfield?

Some of the most insightful, intelligent and thoughtful people I have ever come across have the most severe and debilitating mental illnesses (mostly bipolar, but I’m biased towards reading people who go through what I go through), and some of the most ignorant, uninformed, and unwilling to listen to reason people I’ve ever met have been “health care professionals” working with people with mental illnesses, or people who have placed themselves in an assumed position of expertise about the same and taken it upon themselves to write generic and shit websites with no real information or advice.  What a waste of bandwidth!

Here’s my sources:



In similar irritation today, I was told when I turned up for my appointment at the aptly named “Family Planning Clinic” that they’ve changed their minds since Friday, and now won’t see you if you don’t want to kill your unborn baby.  Which is the opposite of what I was told on Friday, so I did actually vomit on their floor before I left.  Morning sickness is a bitch, and the sheer amount of effort it had taken for me to get to the clinic after waiting a week to see someone about being pregnant has really taken its toll.  I looked at their website which goes on and on about “pregnancy” not “abortion,” I even said to them “it’s called Family PLANNING clinic” but apparently none of them have any interest in the fact that they are falsely advertising, wasting my time and lying on the phone, and the bitchy nurse interrupted me and just told me to go and see my GP.  Which I can’t do because the receptionist THERE will only schedule a fucking appointment if you want to kill your unborn child as well.  What am I supposed to do???

Why is it easier to kill an unborn baby than to keep it???  Why is there no third option (the one I want) which is: “I want to try and stay pregnant for as long as possible but I know I have problems, I’ve already vomited more than 20 times since Monday and had over 10 severe migraines since conception as well as a constant headache, and if I need to give up on this pregnancy in a couple of months, I need that option.”  Why is that not a valid choice?  Why can’t they just assume you’re keeping it and take care of you accordingly instead of ignoring you and turning you away until you tell them otherwise?  It’s not like we don’t KNOW our options and rights!  Like they think it’s so clear cut, that you know before you’ve experienced pregnancy whether you are coping with it or suicidal?  This laissez faire attitude towards abortion is really appalling but only BECAUSE it’s easier to find information about killing it than keeping it.  I have no idea what to expect, who refers me to who or when… and nobody else does either.  As I told the nurse at the family planning clinic, nobody is taking responsibility for this baby that I’m trying to take responsibility for!!  And I’m supposed to be a high risk pregnancy, and yet I can’t even get a nurse or doctor to confirm by blood test that I’m however many weeks pregnant, tell me when it’s due and refer me for essential pregnancy services such as someone checking the baby’s growing properly/still alive/whatever the hell they do ultrasound for!

When did the world get so fucked up that killing someone was easier than letting them live?

Billy Idol and Slash: Download Festival Day 3 Part I

There’s a good reason I never finished writing about Download Festival. Sunday was the day when I realized that I did not actually know my best friend of 9 years. That’s been one of the hardest things to deal with in the past year. You can get through most things with a good friend by your side. Without one, everything is an uphill battle.

Because the first half of the day pretty much revolved around her (as had the previous day) I was uncertain how to write this post. I had gone to the festival to see bands play. I’m still not really sure why she had gone, but I’d realized on Friday and Saturday that she had virtually no interest in rock bands. Following a narcissist around a festival does has its advantages – the lack of empathy makes them force their way through other people to their “rightful place” at the front of the crowd. What could I do but follow, or risk being separated again?

Billy Idol at Download 2015. I didn't know my camera did this stupid date stamp until I got it home and uploaded everything. How irritating!!
Billy Idol at Download 2015. I didn’t know my camera did this stupid date stamp until I got it home and uploaded everything. How irritating!!

Let’s start with Billy Idol. Surprisingly, there wasn’t a huge crowd amassed yet, and we stopped much further back than we could have done. I got the best view I’d had all weekend. He sang many of my favourites including (of course) White Wedding and Rebel Yell, as well as some of the stuff from his most recent album Kings and Queens of the underground, which I am also rather partial to. Unlike many acts from the ’80s, Billy Idol has never overhauled his fundamental identity, so hearing him today is like hearing him in the ’80s, but better, because now he can do his newer stuff as well (which didn’t exist back then) which is still true to form. White Wedding will always be my favourite, and hearing, seeing, feeling him sing it was worth the cost of the three-day ticket in and of itself. The view, as I said, was excellent, and I wasn’t prepared to leave it (despite protestations from my friend to go and get drinks from the bar. I decided to stand up for my right to get a decent vantage point, and declined to leave the crowd), so when the set change between Billy Idol and Slash was going on, we moved forwards and got almost to the very front. We were nearly 5 rows from the front and the view was fabulous.

Slash came out with Myles Kennedy and the Conspirators. If that sounds like “Burt Bacharach and His Band,” it’s definitely ironic. There’s nothing stuffy or staid about Slash’s latest act, and I was privileged to witness his incredible guitar playing. When the crowd surged forward, I got propelled to three rows from the front. At some point, my friend told me her feet hurt, and would I walk back to the car park with her to get a change of shoes (about 2 hours round trip given the mud and her walking speed). I told her I’d wait right here for her (!) and turned my attention to the band again. I worried that I might have hurt her feelings, but my less caring side told me I shouldn’t give a crap after the way she’d treated me for the last 3 days. Nothing could drag me away from this.

Slash playing his guitar at Download 2015.
Slash playing his guitar at Download 2015.

Slash did a few things from his Guns N’ Roses days including Sweet Child of Mine, Welcome to the Jungle and Paradise City, as well as some stuff I didn’t know, but the real piece de resistance, the thing that blew me away and which defined Slash as the real genius behind Guns-N-Roses was Anastasia. If you haven’t heard it, there’s a fantastic live version here:

I was surprised to hear him playing the Guns N’ Roses stuff but I can only think that he and Axl came to an “agree to disagree-ment” that meant they didn’t sue each other for playing stuff they co-wrote.

The crowd surged me forwards and I found myself at the very front, clinging to the front rail for dear life.
The crowd surged me forwards and I found myself at the very front, clinging to the front rail for dear life.

Watching Slash play was a real treat. He seemed to zone out from the crowd, from the rest of the band, and just seemed to merge with his guitar, all his focus was on what he was doing. From the outside, he looked like he wasn’t even paying any attention to what he was doing, and the guitar was being handled as carelessly as a child’s toy or a toothpick. Under his hat and sunglasses, and his incredible mop of black curls, however, I could almost feel the energy he was pouring into the guitar. And in return, its strings danced a song under his fingers. I was mesmerized. I’ve seen some pretty incredible acts, but I’ve never seen anything as hypnotic as watching Slash manipulate those metal strings as a man might make love to a woman. Oh God, what I would have given to be that guitar, even just for a minute…

Then he pulled out the 12-string guitar. Mind… blown! Looking far less like a toothpick and more like he’d just swapped his pea-shooter for a chainsaw, his fingers continued to twinkle over the strings.

The crowd kept surging forwards and I could hardly breathe, one row from the front, until I could grip the safety bar and I was finally at the very front. I wasn’t aware that this was the venue (called “monsters of rock” but since renamed, presumably due to notoriety) where Guns N Roses played and there was a crush as the crowd surged forwards that killed two fans in 1988. I could certainly see a dangerous situation was forming, but the site security were managing it excellently without harassing anyone. Several times I helped people climb over the barrier because you couldn’t get out any other way, and security led them round to safety once they were over the barrier. Nobody going over the barrier was trying to get to the stage. Mostly it was mums with kids.

The 12 stringed guitar.
The 12 stringed guitar.

Having now seen a LOT of bands, many of which have been styled “the greatest band of all time” at one time or another, I can definitely say that of all the living guitarists, Slash is the greatest guitarist alive and if you love guitar music he’s definitely one to see playing live. He does NOT do that thing that I’ve noticed at a few other concerts, where the accoladed “lead guitarist” actually barely plays anything and some replacement gets on with the actual music making. I saw that at The Who AND Megadeth, and I was unimpressed. Slash didn’t do that.

Another real treat was watching Myles Kennedy. Because Slash is a great guitarist, NOT a great frontman, he needs a Circus Master to lead the audience, to sing the words, to add that characteristic fizz of energy that Axl Rose used to be able to portray so eloquently (even in his pyjamas).

Myles Kennedy at Download 2015.
Myles Kennedy at Download 2015.

Myles Kennedy is like a stable, more music-focussed Axl Rose, but he’s clearly no imitator – he’s an accomplished artist in his own right, Myles’s voice is more versatile than Axl’s and he can do a lot more with it; I can see exactly why Slash has collaborated with him so much recently – they pair together better than beans and toast, and when you listen to Axl Rose’s “Chinese Democracy” then follow it up with Slash Featuring Myles Kennedy and the Conspirators’ “World On Fire” there is just no comparison. I’m sorry Axl, but falling out with Slash was the dumbest thing anyone ever did in history. He’s a Stoke-On-Trent escapee (as am I; I’ve always got time for anyone who gets away from that shithole of shattered dreams) and in my vast experience of attending gigs, he’s the greatest guitarist you can actually see play music. I know I just said it but it bore reiterating. I felt like I was in the presence of a true Maestro. This must have been how people felt when they saw Mozart at concerts back in the day.

Then, like a sparkler or a particularly enjoyable cigarette, the spark that the music gave life to was extinguished as it was time for the next act.

What could Motley Crue hope to offer that even remotely compared to Slash’s mind blowing performance?

I was about to find out.

See what’s on the rest of my Bands Bucket list
Other concerts I’ve reviewed.

Idiot of The Week Linkdumps: WIKIPEDIA EDITION!

So I was recently invited to provide commentary on the stupidest things I saw on the internet. You may remember the contempt in which I held Benny the Bipolar Puppy.

Here’s the stupidest article I’ve ever had the misfortune of reading on Wikipedia:
And here’s what I said about it on the talk page, which pretty much sums up why I’ve gone off Wikipedia in the last few months because it’s gotten shockingly bad again (like, 2003 levels of bad Wikipedia):

“This article needs references to meet Wikipedia’s guidelines. Unreferenced material in this article SHOULD be challenged and removed.
I can’t believe this article is so long and has so many entire paragraphs with no references whatsoever and such fragmented incoherent sentences that repeat and contradict one another consecutively! I can only assume that this article has not been written to be user friendly to anyone who isn’t a radio enthusiast and therefore already familiar with the subject matter. God only knows why Wikipedia allowed this article to be semi-locked for editing, but I’m seeing more and more of this across Wikipedia in recent months where people are just deluding themselves into playing at being historians and think they are “writing histories” by editing Wikipedia. It’s an encylopedia. If you want to write a communal project about the history of radio, buy a domain name and pay to host it and make your own researched website, add a forum so you can all bicker about whether there’s too much about the US or not. Please keep Wikipedia true to its purpose, which is an encyclopedia which relies on verifiable information, not historical narrative written by bickering enthusiasts who refuse to share “their” article. Why ANYONE needs to be a gatekeeper (i.e. whoever is able to unlock editing on it) on such a shoddily written, rambling and incoherent article is really beyond me, they clearly don’t have the time or inclination to do a proper job.”

I would like to add to that, a link to the “talk” page on the article on Hypomania, which is a topic I have more emotional involvement in. Some group of “hypomania rules we love hypomania” type subjective morons have decided to police the article in the worst possible way. Just check out this bickering:

That was the first time I went off Wikipedia in a big way. Followed shortly by this bickering about Marian Apparitions. I love the argument about the word “condemned” as if it actually makes any difference to the article as a whole:

And this one on Evolution shows that Evangelical Darwinists (the ones who are so insecure in their own Darwinism that they have to convert everyone else) can’t agree on what, exactly, evolution really is, in a number of big ways:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:Evolution (and this is just those atheist Evangelical Darwinists because they actually delete any comment made that doesn’t utterly believe in the fundamental premise). As a qualified science teacher with a degree in archaeology, the crap they’re disputing just seems utterly petty and I guess this is the problem with letting “everyone” edit things – it’s the same as letting “everyone” do anything else – there’s more asshats than sensible people and the sensible people who actually know what they’re talking about and, I don’t know, understand words, then get drowned out (as Kazuo Ishiguro noted in The Remains of The Day, incidentally, although I haven’t directly quoted him).

Seriously, next time you’re reading a Wikipedia article, take a look at the talk page, to get an idea about the type of person who wrote the article, and take it with a huge pinch of salt if they’re not sharing their toys. Anyone can edit Wikipedia, as we already knew, and anyone can apparently lock an article for editing, that just means they’ve registered and have a Wikipedia login, same as I have a WordPress login. Doesn’t make me an expert on Marian Apparitions either. I know it’s all obvious, but sometimes the world needs reminding otherwise we forget and believe a 40 year old living in his mom’s basement which he’s filled with radio parts knows more about the history of the radio than actual referencable sources. Ugh, if only Wikipedia didn’t tempt me to read its articles by coming so high in Google’s results. I waste far too much time trying to type {{citation needed}} tags on things that are made up or inferences or traditionalist historical narrative garbage.

Also, as an FYI for all those affected by WordPress’s stupidest update to the “posting experience,” if you want to use the original black posting experience on WordPress, go to “My sites/ wp admin / posts / add new” (only works if you click through the black menu, if you mouseover then click it takes you to the blue instead).

I’m Officially A Writer

So, it’s no secret (I hope) that I self-published my most recent book Warrior…Princess…Submissive… on Friday.  I also took a pregnancy test and found myself to be pregnant.

Given how my employment record has been over the past 18 months, that meant I needed to do some serious research and use all of my creative skills to work out how on Earth I was going to qualify for Maternity Allowance.

In Britain, you get Statutory Maternity Pay (SMP) for 39 weeks if you’ve worked for THE SAME employer for the first 26 weeks out of the 41 weeks before the child is born (and earned over £30 a week).  Your employer legally has to pay this if you meet specific criteria.

I haven’t done that due to mental illness and losing both parents in 12 months.  Not only that, but I don’t genuinely know how much longer I’m going to put up with the crap going on at work.  It’s a joke.  Name badge jobs always are, because you end up working with snotty 17 year olds who think the universe is made for them and only them and don’t understand why anyone with professional qualifications would do this job.  I don’t even remember the last time I kept a “working for the man” type job for 6 months so expecting to do it while pregnant with NO time off is unrealistic and really stressing me out.

If you don’t qualify for SMP, you can apply (through the Jobcentre – the ironic name given to the British Welfare Offices) for Maternity Allowance.  On the money I earn at Coffee and Food Outlet, I would get the same amount (minus a few pence) either way.  It’s £138.18 on MA or £139 on SMP.  There’s just one problem:

You get Maternity Allowance (MA) for 39 weeks if you’ve worked for ANY EMPLOYER for more than 26 weeks in the 66 weeks before the child is born.

HOWEVER, I haven’t worked 26 weeks in the last 12 months (despite a constant employment record albeit many employers before this), and I only have 25 weeks before the cut-off week when I won’t be eligible for MA through being an employee, because I hadn’t been working for long enough by the time I got pregnant.  So I’m one week short of qualifying, and as a result, the welfare office can’t give me anything (I don’t qualify for the standard Welfare that many people can get for 8 weeks around giving birth, because my husband works too many hours despite it being for a pittance).  Yet again this year, I discover I have paid loads of tax over my life and get nothing in return.

Confused?  Yeah they design the system like this on purpose to make it as hard as possible for anyone other than “hardened parents” to get any money out of the system, whilst simultaneously telling you how much you can get.

So basically I was up a paddle without a creek.  Until I researched the laws surrounding self-employment and maternity pay.

This is where Maternity Allowance comes into its own.  If you are registered as self-employed and DON’T have a small earnings certificate you pay £2.80 per week in Class II national insurance contributions.  You only need to do this for 6 months, which comes to £63-ish.  Then, when the baby is due you can claim Maternity Allowance from the Jobcentre, no questions asked, at a rate of £138.18-ish.  UNLESS YOU HAVE A SMALL BUSINESS EXEMPTION CERTIFICATE.

If you have a Small Earnings Exemption Certificate (or whatever they’re calling it these days) then you get £27 a week.  That means you lose £108 per week, every week for 39 weeks.  Because you didn’t pay £2.80 a week for 26 weeks.  So it REALLY makes sense to pay class II contributions even if you are exempt.  NOT ONLY THAT but voluntary contributions ARE NOT COUNTED unless you cancel your Small Earnings Exemption Certificate first.  Otherwise, you get £27 a week.  See here for more info.

So this evening, I phoned the tax office and registered myself as self employed – I backdated this to 1st June 2015, and told them I was a writer – both of articles and books, I want to keep my options open – and they said that when I need to pay NI contributions, I can phone them and request a bill, otherwise I’ll be billed for the whole tax year in April.  It’s not GUARANTEED that I get MA until I’ve actually paid those National Insurance contributions.

So I’m officially a writer, it’s legal, and now I’m going to have to do self assessment and what not at the end of the tax year.  Oh well, it was always on the cards and maybe one day I’ll actually get a liveable amount of money from writing, at which point I won’t have to navigate silly frifferies like maternity pay.  I highly recommend anyone who isn’t eligible for maternity pay (SMP or MA) through their employment to register as self employed.  I’m sure you can think of something you do (sell junk on ebay?  someone gave you £5 for petrol?  Published a book?) that can cover you so you don’t lose out.  Stress?  Gone!

If you’d like to contribute to the maternity fund and aren’t offended by adult erotic fiction ebooks, my latest book Warrior…Princess…Submissive… can be found here on Amazon.  I told Amazon to retail it at $2.99 or £1.99 but I believe they’ve marked it up to $3.01 and I don’t know why.

PS, is anyone else who blogs getting the Blue Version 2.0 posting experience yet??  As if Original Blue wasn’t bad enough compared to the Black “new post” page, Blue Version 2.0 is horriffic!! You can’t freetype categories any more and instead have to waste time with going through an “add new category” menu!!  Oh, then you have to also Check the category despite the fact you already selected it!  It’s just so stupid!  Also the sidebar doesn’t follow you so you have to scroll to the top of the post to reach it, and the “visual” “HTML” tabs?  you have to scroll to the top of the post to reach them, too.  Did I mention how STUPID and timewastey this is?  They need to bring back Black or even Blue Version 1.0!  Grr.
Oh, and on re-reading, I found out that despite the fact I told it to categorize this in “writing” and wasted time adding it as a category, it’s posted it in “uncategorized.” Poor show, WordPress; sort yourself out.

My New Book: Warrior… Princess… Submissive…

(NSFW) So after yesterday’s terrible day, today just got worse and worse. Apparently these early pregnancy mood-swings feel like being in a mixed episode. For those of you who don’t know what that is like, you should hope you never have to find out. That’s not what today’s post is about, it’s about my latest book; and my first that I’ve published through Amazon Direct Publishing for Kindle. The process was very straightforward.

My newest book is out now on Amazon Kindle (you can download “Kindle For PC” or the mobile phone app if you don’t own a Kindle – I don’t own one either!) it’s titled Warrior…Princess…Submissive… and it’s pretty self explanatory but here’s the blurb (because I spent time writing it):

“When Macedonian fighting female Karis challenges the enigmatic warlord Damien to a swordfight, she’s confident that she’ll win, so she agrees to let him spank her if she loses. When he defeats her, however, she runs out on the promised spanking, overcome with new emotions that she can’t reconcile with her strong personality. Before she can make things right, she’s tricked into surrendering her army to the evil Hector the Invincible, who puts her in his personal harem, threatening to crush her country with his army if she escapes his clutches. Can the hardened warrior woman accept help from a man, and more importantly, can she learn how to willingly exchange the awesome power she wields?
“Set in Ancient Greece, this genre-busting story will explode on your Kindle, breaking all the rules and pushing the boundaries of “spanking romance” – Jasmine Honey Adams has finally done what no-one has dared to do before – take on the challenge of writing a book about a firecracker female character, a real warrior princess, who just so happens to be submissive. There’s also a plot. This book will take a sword and carve its own niche in erotic spanking romance fiction.

“This story is intended for adults and contains adult themes such as BDSM, spanking and swords. If such things offend you, then click the big red “X” in the top right of your browser window!”

If this sort of thing is your cup of tea, then you can buy it here.

If people wrote reviews (even anonymous ones) on Amazon, that would be very very much appreciated!

Basically I was fed up of “strong female” submissive characters being erotic-romance-speak for “argumentative whiny bitches who capitulate at the first sign of pressure.”

The title is based on the Xena: Warrior Princess episode “Warrior…Princess…Tramp…” although in my case the title adjectives are all describing facets of the same character. And, yes, the main character is very loosely based on Xena in spirit although I wouldn’t go so far as to say my story was either a) derivative or b) fanfiction. If it was b) there would DEFINITELY be some lesbian action in there because, let’s face it, Xena is blatantly bi so if you’re looking for fanfic you’ll be disappointed.

I’ve got a sequel that I’m editing, which will be out soon, which focuses on two different characters, and will be more BDSM-heavy than Warrior…Princess…Submissive.