Oh, bipolar antics, how we all love thee </sarcasm>. When you next get made to feel like complete shit, I want you to remember that this happened: At 8am today, I went to the supermarket in my dressing gown. It has bunny print all over it. I wasn’t wearing anything under the dressing gown except my knickers.
So next time you feel like a worthless human being, like you’re not good enough to do something or like you can’t face people after what you did, just think of me in my bunny dressing gown wandering round Morrisson’s. Security were following me around and I had to say ‘this place is classy, providing personal bodyguards for customers.’ I wasn’t really on form, I was a sugar zombie craving my own brains.
I only bought a basketload of cake and cookies. Medication-induced munchies.
I don’t know why, but instead of feeling embarrassed, I’m just vaguely amused and feeling like one of those elderly divas who insist on wearing rouge, pearls and Chanel No. 5 despite the fact that the highlight of their day is answering the door to the postman. Wow, we have so much in common. Except that you don’t really see women like that any more. I guess their time has passed. That’s kinda poignant.
Wait, no, it’s all good, there’s still Carrie Fisher carrying the torch for basketcase divas everywhere.
Perhaps next time I’ll put my hair in curlers, too.
There was a time, when I lived with my dad, when we both used to dress up in silly outfits and go to the supermarket acting like characters – we’d put on accents, have silly mannerisms… the best one was when we pretended to be Texans looking for some grits in Edinburgh’s ASDA (Wal-Mart). We asked three different members of staff, it was hilarious. I was so carefree and un-self-conscious back then, I would have done anything to get a laugh from someone I cared about. I guess I stopped doing it because my husband doesn’t really laugh at stuff like that. It’s no fun when it’s not funny.
Although it’s the complete opposite of shopping in a costume/character, going to the store in my bunny dressing gown really reminded me of how I used to be.
This article was resonant today; this dead Italian guy Sebastiano Magnanini really reminded me of myself. You know what? It’s really sad that he died at 46, but he lived his life in such an awesome way. I think I might go to my grave regretting the fact that I never managed to commit an art crime in Europe.
Oh, wait, it’s all good, I had that webcomic for a few years. That was a crime against art if ever I saw one. Oh you want the link? Here knock yourself out – you’re going to want to after you’ve read it. I had this one as well: It was about vampires and werewolves. Such things were very popular in 2008. At one point they were both in the top 100 webcomics and getting 30,000 views a day. Generally people’s response to Tank Quest was “I don’t get it.” Having said that, there’s a video game named after it, and I did meet someone who understood my webcomic once. Scary. Still, it’s not quite the same sort of art crime as producing an amazing forgery or heisting the Mona Lisa from the Louvre. Never even been there, that’s how cultured I am. I took one look at the queue and said, ‘meh, let’s go back to Montmartre and have more coffee’ (coffee here meaning actual coffee and also sex), so we did. I even remember the guy’s name. I did get to see the Eiffel tower though. It kinda looks like mis-shapen scaffolding.
I stopped making the webcomic because I didn’t really know where it was going. Then I wrote a plan to help direct it. Then I got bored as soon as I knew how it ended. Wow that was a blast from the past, I was making those comics round the same time I was going round ASDA dressed like a ballerina (etc). Connection?
Maybe I should change my blog name to basketcase diva…